Parents need not be pleased with the child’s behavior in order to give the child a hug, a pat on the back, or an affirming arm on the shoulder. Parents can say, “You played a great game last night,” even though the child’s room may be a disaster area. A dad can take his son out to breakfast for quality time even when the son broke the rule and vase by bouncing the basketball in the den. A mother can give her daughter a new dress as a gift even though the daughter did not complete her homework. “But won’t this cause my children to be irresponsible?” many parents ask. The answer is, “Such love teaches responsibility.” When the child senses that you love her and that love is not based on her behavior, she is far more likely to be responsive to your requests or your commands, and to do so without rebellion. When you love your children unconditionally and keep the love tank full, you have removed one of the major sources of childhood and adolescent anger.
Anger: Handling a Powerful Emotion in a Healthy Way by Gary D. Chapaman, 2007.
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