cultivating gratitude

The following expectations can be happiness killers:

• Life should be fair – It is not. Not at all. Bad things happen to good people all the time for no reason. Expecting you will never have to deal with hardship or difficulties and that you won’t cope when they come is denying the human experience.
• Everyone should like me – They won’t and don’t. Just as you don’t like everyone you know. Instead focus on earning the trust and respect of people you like.
• People should agree with me – Yours may not be the only right answer and being right is not always right. We tend to take others words and behaviour personally when often, it is about them not us. We expect them to think and act just like us and if they don’t, we feel hurt or angry.
• People understand what I am saying – Assumptions, like expectations, can be Happiness Killers. People won’t understand us just because we are talking. Genuinely listening to someone else with empathy creates understanding whilst projecting our own mental filters and world views onto others generates misunderstanding and hurt feelings.
• I must always do well – ‘If I do not attain these goals, if I fail to live up to my expectations, I am a miserable failure and deserve the worst’. This kind of thinking is the basis of self-denigration, self-hatred and compromised self-esteem. You are already enough and are intrinsically worthy irrespective of achievement.
• Things will make me happy – We are poor at predicting what will make us happy in the future. What makes you the happiest? This question from Buddha is difficult to answer. Winning lotto? Getting married? Buying a new car? This hedonic treadmill does not cause happiness as we adapt to our circumstances which become the new normal.
• I can change them – There is one person in this world you can truly change. Yourself and that takes a tremendous amount of effort. The only way that people change is through the desire and wherewithal to change themselves. We can’t and shouldn’t ‘fix’ others.

The antidote to expectations may be cultivating gratitude.

"Expectations – the real happiness killer". HumanPsychology. Accessed on Jan. 26, 2024

increase in compassion, capacity, and humility

When I ask local Church leaders what concerns them, both brothers and sisters say, “Some of our members are not accepting Church calls.” Calls to serve the Lord and each other in His Church give opportunity to increase in compassion, capacity, and humility. As we are set apart, we can receive the Lord’s inspiration to lift and strengthen others and ourselves. Of course, the changing circumstances and seasons of our lives may affect our ability to serve, but hopefully never our desire. With King Benjamin, we say, “If I had I would give” and offer all we can.

Stake and ward leaders, let’s do our part. As we call (and release) brothers and sisters to serve in the Lord’s Church, let’s please do so with dignity and inspiration. Help each feel appreciated and that they can be successful. Please counsel with and listen to sister leaders. May we remember, as President J. Reuben Clark taught, in the Lord’s Church we serve where called, “which place one neither seeks nor declines.”

When Sister Gong and I were married, Elder David B. Haight counseled: “Always hold a calling in the Church. Especially when life is busy,” he said, “you need to feel the Lord’s love for those you serve and for you as you serve.” I promise that love is spoken here, there, and everywhere as we answer yes to Church leaders to serve the Lord in His Church by His Spirit and our covenants.

Gerrit W. Gong

"Love Is Spoken Here" General Conference October 2023

great supplicators... great seers

Without prayer life is not a success. Prayer is just as necessary as work. Working without prayer is a form of atheism which takes no cognizance of God.

“Those who go farthest on in the school of prayer and learn most of its hidden secrets often develop a sort of prescience which comes nearest to the prophetic spirit, the Holy Spirit showing them ‘things to come.’ They seem, like Savonarola, to know something of the purpose of God, to anticipate His plans, and to forecast the history of their own times. The great supplicators have been also the great seers” (Arthur T. Pierson).


Doctrine and Covenants Commentary by Hyrum M. Smith and Janne M. Sjodahl. Deseret Book. 1965. p.96

we start all of our meetings... with prayer

We start all of our meetings, including shareholders meetings and directors meetings, with prayer. If you start meetings with prayer, the meetings are more fruitful and productive – you reach decisions that are more likely to help everybody concerned. There is less controversy when you begin with prayer. Or, as I like to say, “Prayer helps you to think more clearly” … Everything you do following such a prayer is likely to be more successful. Your mind is not twisted by conflicts. You’re less likely to disagree with your associates or do something you’ll regret next year. So your decision-making may be improved if you try to bring yourself into contact with the Creator, into harmony with His purposes.


Sir John Templeton, Sir John Templeton: From Wall Street to Humility Theology by Robert L. Herrmann (Philadelphia: Templeton Foundation Press, 1998) p.142 as quoted in One Nation Under God: The History of Prayer in America by James P. Moore, Jr. Doubleday, 2005. p.427

the purity of heart

Success is measured by the purity of heart.


David Tait. 12 Oaks 2nd Ward Elders Quorum Instructor, 2/28/09. This quote is displayed on his mobile phone.

the poor of this world rich in faith

Like so many young people do, when I was young I occasionally dreamed of being rich and famous. I am now grateful that that dream was not realized. My understanding of what success really is has changed over the years of my life. It began to change on my first mission to Brazil over 45 years ago.

One day, my companion and I went out to visit a poor sister who was widowed. In those days there were no stakes or wards in Brazil, only mission districts and branches. Sometimes missionaries looked after the members.

Finally, we arrived at a humble home in a very isolated area. This home had a dirt floor and open windows without any glass. The wind and the flies could come right through. Never before in my life had I been in a home where people live with open windows and a dirt floor. Despite this, the house was clean and neat, curtains were hung, and the boards on the inside of the house were whitewashed. Despite being primitive, the home had a cozy feeling about it. We asked after this poor widow's health and well-being. She seemed quite happy and contented. We then began to have something of a gospel lesson. She participated freely. We thought that we were the teachers, but it soon became apparent that she knew more than we did. Her faith was deep, and her knowledge of the great eternal truths of where we came from, who we are, and where we are going was very profound.

I had my eyes opened. It was astonishing to hear this sister in these humble circumstances explain the great purposes of God in the grand scheme of the earth and its creation. I was reminded about what James said in his great epistle: 'Hath not God chosen the poor of this world rich in faith, and heirs of the kingdom which he hath promised to them that love him?' (James 2:5). . . .

This poor widow on the outskirts of São Paulo made the most of her straitened circumstances—circumstances that could not easily be changed. She realized that she should not make her life miserable by wishing it were otherwise. We ought always to try to improve on the things that can be improved, but there are some circumstances that cannot be changed. This impoverished woman enjoyed her independence, and she owed no one any money. She was industrious and thrifty. She crocheted beautiful cloths which were sold in the city to satisfy her simple wants, but she was not poor in spirit. She was rich in the things that really matter.

From that experience many years ago, I learned much. I am persuaded that this humble widow who lived in a house with a dirt floor and no panes in the window is an heir to the exaltation of God.



James E. Faust, "Simply Happy," New Era, July 1985, 4

with these qualities you cannot fail

Personal revelation, consecration of performance, attention to detail, and dependency on God - with these qualities you cannot fail; without them you may not succeed.


Ezra Taft Benson, Teachings of Ezra Taft Benson, p.464

none of it matters

[Peter] Lowe has broken from the Christianity of his parents [Anglican missionaries], a faith that now seems hopelessly out of date. The meek shall no longer inherit the earth; the go-getters will get it and everything that goes with it. The Christ that went among the poor, the sick, the downtrodden, among lepers and prostitutes, clearly had no marketing savvy. He has been transfigured into a latter-day entrepreneur, the greatest superstar salesperson of all time, who built a multinational outfit from scratch. Lowe speaks to the crowd about mercy. But the worship of selling and of celebrity infuses his literature, his guest lists, his radio shows and seminars. "Don't network haphazardly," Peter Lowe preaches in his $19.95 Peter Lowe's Success Yearbook. "Set goals to meet key people. Imagine yourself talking to them. Plan in advance what questions to ask them. When there is an important individual you want to network with, be prepared to say something insightful to them that shows you're aware of their achievements. Everyone loves to receive a present. It’s hard to be resistant or standoffish to someone who has just given you a nice gift. Adopt the attitude of a superstar. Smile. A smile tells people you like them, are interested in them. What an appealing message to send!" These are the teachings of his gospel, the good news that fills arenas and sells cassettes.

As the loudspeakers play the theme song from Chariots of Fire, Lowe wheels Christopher Reeve onstage. The crowd wildly applauds. Reece's handsome face is framed by longish gray hair. A respirator tube extends from the back of his blue sweatshirt to a square box on his wheelchair. Reece describes how it once felt to lie in a hospital bed at two o'clock in the morning, alone and unable to move and thinking about the daylight that would never come. His voice is clear and strong, but he needs to pause for breath after every few words. He thanks the crowd for its support and confesses that their warm response is one reason he appears at these events; it helps to keep his spirits up. He donates the speaking fees to groups that conduct spinal cord research.

"I've had to leave the physical world," Reeve says. A stillness falls upon the arena; the place is silent during every pause. "By the time I was twenty-four, I was making millions," he continues. "I was pretty pleased with myself. . . . I was selfish and neglected my family. . . . Since my accident, I've been realizing. . . That success means something quite different." Members of the audience start to weep. "I see people who achieve these conventional goals," he says in a mild, even tone. "None of it matters."

His words cut through the snake oil of the last few hours, calmly and with great precision. Everybody in the arena, no matter how greedy or eager for promotion, all eighteen thousand of them, know deep in their hearts that what Reeve has just said is true - too true. Their latest schemes, their plans to market and subdivide and franchise their way up, whatever the cost, the whole spirit now gripping Colorado, vanish in an instant. Men and women up and down the aisles wipe away tears, touched not only by what this famous man has been through but also by a sudden awareness of something hollow about their own lives, something gnawing and unfulfilled.

Moments after Reeve is wheeled off the stage, Jack Groppel, the next speaker, walks up to the microphone and starts his pitch, "Tell me friends, in your lifetime, have you ever been on a diet?"



Eric Schlosser, Author and correspondent for Atlantic Monthly. Fast Food Nation - The Dark Side of the All American Meal. By Eric Schlosser. 2001. p.106

this is not true success

The great criterion of success in the world is that men can make money. But I want to say to you Latter-day Saints that to do this is not true success. As a man grows and increases in the things of this world, if he is not careful, he will lose the Spirit of the Lord, and he will set his heart upon the things of this world. And if he loses the Spirit of the Lord, and fails to be honest with God in the payment of his tithes as strictly and honestly as he would account to a partner if he were engaged in business, that man will lessen his strength, will lessen his power, will lessen the testimony of the Spirit of God within his soul. There is no question of it in my mind. We must be honest with the Lord. The great trouble is that there are many people who, as they grow and increase in the things of this world, set their hearts upon them and lose the Spirit of the Lord. Therefore, that which is counted by the world as success is failure; because if a man starts out for a prize and he fails to secure it after laboring nearly a lifetime for that prize, certainly his life has been a failure. I know many individuals who, when they made small sums of money, were absolutely honest with the Lord, and paid one-tenth of it. But when they made large sums of money they paid all the way from one percent, instead of ten, up to two or three percent. What is the matter? Why, the appetite for money grows upon a man, increases and strengthens unless he is careful, just as much as the appetite for whiskey. It gets possession of him, and he loves the money instead of loving it only for the good that he can do with it. He does not estimate properly the value of things. I once wrote a little sentiment for The Improvement Era, which was published fourteen years ago [in 1897], as follows:

"Not he who merely succeeds in making a fortune, and in so doing blunts the natural affections of the heart, and chases therefrom the love of his fellows, can be said to be truly successful: but he who so lives that those who know him best shall love him most; and that God, who knows not only his deeds, but also the inmost sentiments of his heart, shall love him; of such an one, only--notwithstanding he may die in poverty--can it be said indeed and of a truth, 'he should be crowned with the wealth of success.'" I assert with confidence that the law of success, here and hereafter, is to have a humble and a prayerful heart, and to work, work, WORK.


Heber J. Grant. Gospel Standards, p.181. (see 2 Nephi 9:30)

Certainly nothing is more fatal to our well being than the notion that our present and eternal welfare is founded upon the wealth and honors of this world. The great truth enunciated by the Savior seems very generally to be lost sight of in this generation, that it will profit a man nothing though he should gain the whole world, if he lose his own soul. The standard of success as declared by the word of God, is the salvation of the soul. The greatest gift of God is eternal life.


Joseph F. Smith, Sr., Gospel Doctrine, p.124 Mark 8:36

After all, what is success, and who are competent to judge? The great masses who lived in the days of Jesus would have said that his life was a stupendous failure, that his life and teachings ended in inglorious defeat. Even his disciples were disappointed in his death; and their efforts to perpetuate his name and teachings were covered with ignominy and contempt. It was centuries before the success of his life became apparent to the world. We can easily comprehend, therefore, how it has taken centuries to accomplish achievements that were set in motion by some obscure or despised personage. The triumph, therefore, of Jesus would have been looked upon by his generation as one of the paradoxes of history.


Joseph F. Smith, Sr., Gospel Doctrine, p.124 2 Corinthians 5:9-10

but I wouldn't trade you

As a boy, my father taught me that there was no corporation, organization, or institution in the world that would pay me as great dividends on the investment of my time and my talents and my means as the Church. This came home forcefully to me here a time back when one of my rich friends, worth millions of dollars, said: "LeGrand, I would trade you all my money for your Church experience," to which I replied, "Yes, but I wouldn't trade you. You can't take your money with you when you go, but I can take my experience."


LeGrand Richards, David L. Olpin, Quiet Success Thoughts

God hasn't called me to be successful. He's called me to be faithful.


Mother Teresa - (b. 1910), Albanian-born Roman Catholic missionary in India. America's God and Country :: Encyclopedia of Quotations By William Joseph Federer Published by Fame, 1996. p.584

Always bear in mind that your own resolution to succeed is more important than any other one thing.


Abraham Lincoln - (1809-1865), U.S. president. Speeches and Writings, 1832-1858: Speeches, Letters, and Miscellaneous ... - Page 364

There are no successful sinners.

Harold B. Lee, Stand Ye in Holy Places, 221. as quoted in Tad R. Callister, The Infinite Atonement. 2000. p.179