people want to be magnificent

I think people want to be magnificent. It is the job of the leader to bring out that magnificence in people and to create an environment where they feel safe and supported and ready to do the best job possible in accomplishing key goals. This responsibility is a sacred trust that should not be violated. The opportunity to guide others to their fullest potential is an honor and one that should not be taken lightly. As leaders, we hold the lives of others in our hands. These hands need to be gentle and caring and always available for support.

Ken Blanchard
Situational Leadership® II, The Article. 2001

we feel God’s love

While the love of God is accessible to all, many search earnestly for it, while others desire to feel God’s love but do not believe that they deserve it. Some others are desperately trying to hang on to it. The scriptures and the Lord’s prophet teach us that we can consistently experience God’s love when, through the grace of Jesus Christ, we repeatedly repent, frankly forgive, strive to keep His commandments, and selflessly serve others. We feel God’s love when we do things that draw us closer to Him, such as conversing with Him daily through prayer and scripture study, and stop doing things that distance us from Him, such as being prideful, contentious, and rebellious.

Benjamin M. Z. Tai

"The Love of God", General Conference April 2025

the measure of our own creation

Callings do not determine or validate a person’s worth or worthiness. Rather, as we labor with God in whatever way He asks, we grow into the measure of our own creation.

God rejoices in our progress, and so should we, even when we still have work to do. At times we may lack the strength or the means to serve in a calling. Still, we can engage in the work and protect our testimonies through meaningful ways like prayer and scripture study. Our loving Heavenly Father does not condemn us when we are willing but unable to serve.

Steven D. Shumway

"Participate to Prepare for Christ’s Return", General Conference April 2025

cultivating gratitude

The following expectations can be happiness killers:

• Life should be fair – It is not. Not at all. Bad things happen to good people all the time for no reason. Expecting you will never have to deal with hardship or difficulties and that you won’t cope when they come is denying the human experience.
• Everyone should like me – They won’t and don’t. Just as you don’t like everyone you know. Instead focus on earning the trust and respect of people you like.
• People should agree with me – Yours may not be the only right answer and being right is not always right. We tend to take others words and behaviour personally when often, it is about them not us. We expect them to think and act just like us and if they don’t, we feel hurt or angry.
• People understand what I am saying – Assumptions, like expectations, can be Happiness Killers. People won’t understand us just because we are talking. Genuinely listening to someone else with empathy creates understanding whilst projecting our own mental filters and world views onto others generates misunderstanding and hurt feelings.
• I must always do well – ‘If I do not attain these goals, if I fail to live up to my expectations, I am a miserable failure and deserve the worst’. This kind of thinking is the basis of self-denigration, self-hatred and compromised self-esteem. You are already enough and are intrinsically worthy irrespective of achievement.
• Things will make me happy – We are poor at predicting what will make us happy in the future. What makes you the happiest? This question from Buddha is difficult to answer. Winning lotto? Getting married? Buying a new car? This hedonic treadmill does not cause happiness as we adapt to our circumstances which become the new normal.
• I can change them – There is one person in this world you can truly change. Yourself and that takes a tremendous amount of effort. The only way that people change is through the desire and wherewithal to change themselves. We can’t and shouldn’t ‘fix’ others.

The antidote to expectations may be cultivating gratitude.

"Expectations – the real happiness killer". HumanPsychology. Accessed on Jan. 26, 2024

their parents did a bad job raising them

Many of my clients, I have found, have one particular thing in common: the subconscious desire to prove that their parents did a bad job raising them. This can manifest in so many different ways, some being worse than others. Some are subtle, others obvious, while all are very potent. 

You might try to prove that your parents failed to raise you well by treating your body like crap, getting arrested, becoming addicted to drugs or alcohol, dropping out of school, consistently failing in relationships, encountering chronic financial crises, or any one of a number of seemingly random paths we get ourselves lost in. They can drop all the way down to simply being disconnected or lost in the pressures of work as an adult.

All of these are real-life examples that some of my clients discovered about themselves that ultimately “proved” that one or both of their parents failed to do their job, that their experiences as children did not adequately prepare them for adulthood. This belief, conveniently, also allows for a ready-made explanation as to why they did what they did and why they, from time to time, acted like complete assholes to others in their life.

Gary John Bishop

Unfu*k Yourself: Get out of your head and into your life by Gary John Bishop. Harper One. 2017. p.64

nagging sense of insufficiency

Anyone remotely in touch with reality walks this earth acutely aware of the deep inadequacy within, the sense of not measuring up. And we medicate that deep, nagging sense of insufficiency through the swelling bank account, the perfect face, the sculpted body, the number of social media followers, the reputation, the beautiful spouse, the famous friends, the sense of humor, the appearance of intelligence, the political outmaneuvering and one-upmanship, the sexual exploits, or even the upstanding moral resume. We feel our nakedness and seek to be "clothed" by these accomplishments. We seek to be justified by these things...

Dane C. Ortlund

Deeper: Real Change for Real Sinners by Dane C. Ortlund. Crossway. 2021. p.101,102

already okay

If we long to grow in Christ, we dare not do what comes so naturally—namely, say we believe that the verdict over our lives is decisively settled in our justified status before God but then move on to other ideas and strategies when it comes to our emotional lives and daily pressures. For if we do, we will find our lives riddled with fear. We will be paralyzed with anxieties, because we will be afraid that our functional god will condemn us - not justify us - if we fail it. We are fearful of not succeeding in a job, or not impressing someone we respect, or botching the date, or failing the test, or missing the shot. We fantasize about succeeding in those real-life situations and have nightmares about failing. Why? Because we treat the gospel as the ignition but not the sustaining reality to our inner life. We are not walking "in step with the truth of the gospel." We haven't let the radioactive nature of the doctrine of justification by faith destroy our malignant need for human approval. Sensing our inadequacy, we set up our career, our relationships, our studies, our public speaking, our athletic abilities as functional gods to which we are looking for justification - to know we're okay. 

But what if we went into the interview, the conversation, the classroom, the game, already okay? Already justified. Not just theologically but emotionally. Not just in our mind but in our gut. We would be world shakers. 

Dane C. Ortlund

Deeper: Real Change for Real Sinners by Dane C. Ortlund. Crossway. 2021. p.98,99

the need for human approval

What we all tend to do is walk through life amassing a sense of who we are as an aggregate of what we think everyone else things of us. We walk along, building a sense of self through all the feedback pinging back at us. We don't even realize we're doing it. And when others are critical, or snub us, or ignore us, or ridicule us, that builds our sense of who we are. It inevitably shapes us. And so we must constantly hold the gospel before our eyes. And as the gospel becomes real to us, the need for human approval loses its vice-like grip on our hearts, because we're no longer putting our heads down on our pillows at night medicating our sense of worth with human approval. The doctrine of justification frees us not only from the judgement of God in the future but also from the judgement of people in the present. 

Dane C. Ortlund

Deeper: Real Change for Real Sinners by Dane C. Ortlund. Crossway. 2021. p.98

you are destined for glory

As you consider your own messy little life, consider who you are. Consider whose you are. Consider that Christ's resurrection is the guarantee that you too will be raised one day physically. Consider that you have already been raised spiritually (Eph. 2:6; Col. 2:12; 3:1). When you sin, you behave out of accord with who you now are. You're acting like a former orphan who's been adopted yet keeps running out of his new house to the curb to beg for bread when the kitchen is fully stocked and freely his. You are destined for glory. 

Dane C. Ortlund

Deeper: Real Change for Real Sinners by Dane C. Ortlund. Crossway. 2021. p.59

those whose hearts are breaking

The Psalms tell us that those whose hearts are breaking and who feel crushed by life are the people God is closest to (Ps. 34:18). Proverbs tells us it is to the low and the destitute that God shows favor (Prov. 3:34). In Isaiah we are surprised to learn that God dwells in two places: way up high, in the glory of heaven, and way down low, with those void of self-confidence and empty of themselves (Isa. 57:15, 66:1-2). Jesus tells us that "unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit" (John 12:24). He tells us that the way to greatness is service and the way to be first is to be everyone's slave (Mark 10:43-44). James has the audacity to instruct us, "Let your laughter be turned to mourning" (James 4:9). 

Why does the Bible do this? Does God want us always feeling bad about ourselves? Is he eager to chop us down to size, to lower the ceiling on our joy lest we be too happy? 

Not at all. It is because of God's very desire that we be joyously happy, filled to overflowing with the uproarious cheer of heaven itself, that he says these things. For he is sending us down into honesty and sanity. He wants us to see our sickness so we can run to the doctor. He wants us to get healed. 

Dane C. Ortlund

Deeper: Real Change for Real Sinners by Dane C. Ortlund. Crossway. 2021. p.37-38

Jesus: The Perfect Leader - Our potential

One of the great teachings of the Man of Galilee, the Lord Jesus Christ, was that you and I carry within us immense possibilities. In urging us to be perfect as our Father in Heaven is perfect, Jesus was not taunting us or teasing us. He was telling us a powerful truth about our possibilities and about our potential. It is a truth almost too stunning to contemplate. Jesus, who could not lie, sought to beckon us to move further along the pathway to perfection.

We are not yet perfect as Jesus was, but unless those about us can see us striving and improving, they will not be able to look to us for example, and they will see us as less than fully serious about the things to be done.

Each of us has more opportunities to do good and to be good than we ever use. These opportunities lie all around us. Whatever the size of our present circle of effective influence, if we were to improve our performance even a little bit, that circle would be enlarged. There are many individuals waiting to be touched and loved if we care enough to improve in our performance.

We must remember that those mortals we meet in parking lots, offices, elevators, and elsewhere are that portion of mankind God has given us to love and to serve. It will do us little good to speak of the general brotherhood of mankind if we cannot regard those who are all around us as our brothers and sisters. If our sample of humanity seems unglamorous or so very small, we need to remember the parable Jesus gave us in which he reminded us that greatness is not always a matter of size or scale, but of the quality of one’s life. If we do well with our talents and with the opportunities around us, this will not go unnoticed by God. And to those who do well with the opportunities given them, even more will be given!

The scriptures contain many marvelous case studies of leaders who, unlike Jesus, were not perfect but were still very effective. It would do us all much good if we were to read them—and read them often. We forget that the scriptures present us with centuries of experience in leadership, and, even more importantly, the fixed principles upon which real leadership must operate if it is to succeed. The scriptures are the handbook of instructions for the would-be leader.

  

  

Jesus: The Perfect Leader By President Spencer W. Kimball. From an address delivered to the Young Presidents organization, Sun Valley, Idaho, 15 January 1977. Ensign. August 1979.

one by one

All religious people believe that the Creator is concerned about man, but the nearness of his concern may be overlooked. Because of the weakness of man’s mind, because of his inability to discern and remember many individual things, man uses abstract ideas to help him. Man speaks of nature, society, humanity. The divine mind does not require such ideas. All things are known to God; therefore, not just mankind but each individual human being is God’s object of concern. “The very hairs of your head are all numbered.” (Matthew 10:30.) Deep in every human heart is the desire to be known and loved just for oneself. But only One can have such love and knowledge. Men group themselves into classes, races, and nations, but the Father calls them as he called their first parents in the Garden, one by one. 

The Lord’s Question: Thoughts on the Life of Response by Dennis Rasmussen. Brigham Young University Press. April 1985. Chapter One, “Where Art Thou?” p.9

dignity

…The guards sought to deprive them of something that had sustained them even as all else had been lost: dignity. This self-respect and sense of self-worth, the innermost armament of the soul, lies at the heart of humanness; to be deprived of it is to be dehumanized, to be cleaved from, and cast below, mankind… 

Dignity is as essential to human life as water, food, and oxygen. The stubborn retention of it, even in the face of extreme physical hardship, can hold a man’s soul in his body long past the point at which the body should have surrendered it.

Unbroken: A World War II Story of Survival, Resilience, and Redemption by Laura Hillenbrand. Random House. 2010. 496 pages.

drinking our cup

Action… can help us to claim and celebrate our true self. But here again we need discipline, because the world in which we live says: “Do this, do that, go here, go there, meet him, meet her.” Busyness has become a sign of importance. Having much to do, many places to go, and countless people to meet gives us status and even fame. However, being busy can lead us away from our true vocation and prevent us from drinking our cup.

It is not easy to distinguish between doing what we area called to do and doing what we want to do. Our many wants can easily distract us from our true action. True action leads us to the fulfillment of our vocation…. The most prestigious position in society can be an expression of obedience to our call as well as a sign of our refusal to hear that call, and the least prestigious position, too, can be a response to our vocation as well as a way to avoid it.

Drinking our cup involves carefully choosing those actions which lead us closer to complete emptying of it, so that at the end of our lives we can say with Jesus: “It is fulfilled” (John 19:30). That indeed, is the paradox: we fulfill life by emptying it. In Jesus’ own words: “Anyone who loses his life for my sake will find it” (Matt. 10:39).

When we are committed to do God’s will and not our own we soon discover that much of what we do doesn’t need to be done by us. What we are called to do are actions that bring us true joy and peace. Just as leaving friends for the sake of the Gospel will bring us friends, so too will letting go of actions not in accord with our call.

Actions that lead to overwork, exhaustion, and burnout can’t praise and glorify God. What God calls us to do we can do and do well. When we listen in silence to God’s voice and speak with our friends in trust we will know what we are called to do, and we will do it with a grateful heart.



Henri J.M. Nouwen, The Only Necessary Thing: Living A Prayerful Life, Compiled & Edited by Wendy Wilson Greer. 1999. p. 141, 142.  Originally quoted in Can You Drink the Cup? 1974.

thinking less about ourselves

Some suppose that humility is about beating ourselves up. Humility does not mean convincing ourselves that we are worthless, meaningless, or of little value. Nor does it mean denying or withholding the talents God has given us. We don’t discover humility by thinking less of ourselves; we discover humility by thinking less about ourselves. It comes as we go about our work with an attitude of serving God and our fellowman.


"Pride and the Priesthood," by Dieter F. Uchtdorf, General Conference, October 2010

we become poor temporally and spiritually

Being provident providers, we must keep that most basic commandment, “Thou shalt not covet” (Exodus 20:17). Our world is fraught with feelings of entitlement. Some of us feel embarrassed, ashamed, less worthwhile if our family does not have everything the neighbors have. As a result, we go into debt to buy things we can’t afford—and things we do not really need. Whenever we do this, we become poor temporally and spiritually. We give away some of our precious, priceless agency and put ourselves in self-imposed servitude. Money we could have used to care for ourselves and others must now be used to pay our debts. What remains is often only enough to meet our most basic physical needs. Living at the subsistence level, we become depressed, our self-worth is affected, and our relationships with family, friends, neighbors, and the Lord are weakened. We do not have the time, energy, or interest to seek spiritual things.


Robert D. Hales, "Becoming Provident Providers: Temporally and Spiritually," Ensign, May 2009

Tyler Durden: You're not your job. You're not how much money you have in the bank. You're not the car you drive. You're not the contents of your wallet. You're not your #@*!* khakis….


Fight Club. Dir. David Fincher. Perfs. Edward Norton (Narrator), Brad Pitt (Tyler Durden). Film. Art Linson Productions, 1999. Writers. Chuck Palahniuk (novel), Jim Uhls (screenplay).

I forgive myself for having believed for so long that... I was never good enough to have, get, be what I wanted.


Ceanne DeRohan

Meekness is vital to becoming more Christlike. Without it one cannot develop other important virtues. . . . Acquiring meekness is a process. . . More meekness does not translate to weakness, but 'it is the presentation of self in a posture of kindness and gentleness. It reflects certitude, strength, serenity; it reflects a healthy self-esteem and a genuine self-control' (Neal A. Maxwell, "Meekly Drenched in Destiny," in Brigham Young University 1982-83 Fireside and Devotional Speeches [1983], 2). More meekness will allow us to be tutored by the Spirit.


H. David Burton, "More Holiness Give Me," Ensign, Nov. 2004, 99

When we remember that each of us is literally a spirit son or daughter of God, we will not find it difficult to approach our Heavenly Father in prayer. He appreciates the value of this raw material which we call life. 'Remember the worth of souls is great in the sight of God' (D&C 18:10). His pronouncement inspires purpose in our
lives.


Thomas S. Monson, "The Master's Blueprint," Ensign, Jan. 2006, 3