a good story

The best arguments in the world won't change a person's mind. The only thing that can do that is a good story.

Richard Powers

The Overstory. W. W. Norton & Company, 2018, p. 336.

cultivating gratitude

The following expectations can be happiness killers:

• Life should be fair – It is not. Not at all. Bad things happen to good people all the time for no reason. Expecting you will never have to deal with hardship or difficulties and that you won’t cope when they come is denying the human experience.
• Everyone should like me – They won’t and don’t. Just as you don’t like everyone you know. Instead focus on earning the trust and respect of people you like.
• People should agree with me – Yours may not be the only right answer and being right is not always right. We tend to take others words and behaviour personally when often, it is about them not us. We expect them to think and act just like us and if they don’t, we feel hurt or angry.
• People understand what I am saying – Assumptions, like expectations, can be Happiness Killers. People won’t understand us just because we are talking. Genuinely listening to someone else with empathy creates understanding whilst projecting our own mental filters and world views onto others generates misunderstanding and hurt feelings.
• I must always do well – ‘If I do not attain these goals, if I fail to live up to my expectations, I am a miserable failure and deserve the worst’. This kind of thinking is the basis of self-denigration, self-hatred and compromised self-esteem. You are already enough and are intrinsically worthy irrespective of achievement.
• Things will make me happy – We are poor at predicting what will make us happy in the future. What makes you the happiest? This question from Buddha is difficult to answer. Winning lotto? Getting married? Buying a new car? This hedonic treadmill does not cause happiness as we adapt to our circumstances which become the new normal.
• I can change them – There is one person in this world you can truly change. Yourself and that takes a tremendous amount of effort. The only way that people change is through the desire and wherewithal to change themselves. We can’t and shouldn’t ‘fix’ others.

The antidote to expectations may be cultivating gratitude.

"Expectations – the real happiness killer". HumanPsychology. Accessed on Jan. 26, 2024

lubricants for the machinery of life

The influence of prayer in strengthening family ties and marriages has been beautifully expressed by Catherine Marshall, widow of Peter C. Marshall, chaplain of the U.S. Senate. In her book A Man Called Peter she writes:

“Though like every normal couple, Peter and I were sometimes in disagreement, we found that these differences could never become serious or bitter so long as we could pray together. So thoroughly did we learn this lesson that it was one of the chief bits of advice Peter always gave to couples whose marriages were almost bankrupt. ‘If you will get down on your knees together,’ he would tell them, ‘your difficulties will soon be solved. You just can’t pray together and stay mad at each other.’

“After our household grew in numbers, we discovered, too, that family prayers did not take the place of more intimate husband-and-wife prayers. Moreover, such prayers together were needed for our routine everyday lives, rather than just at the time when difficulties or disagreements arose. Peter always spoke of these prayers as ‘lubricants for the machinery of life.’

“That was a supremely accurate description. Thus we tried to have a few quiet moments together in our bedroom before breakfast. On those mornings when we gave our day into God’s hands and asked Him to bless it, we found that for each of us the whole day went more smoothly. There was a reassuring feeling of accomplishment at the end of it. When we omitted this brief prayer time together, things became snarled. We felt that we were battling uphill against terrific odds for meager accomplishment.”



H. Burke Peterson, “Adversity and Prayer,” Prayer. Deseret Book Company, Salt Lake City, UT. 1978. P.106

a real measure of who we

As we listen to the messages of this conference, we will be touched in our hearts and make resolutions and commitments to do better. But on Monday morning we will return to work, school, neighborhoods, and to a world that in many cases is in turmoil. Many in this world are afraid and angry with one another. While we understand these feelings, we need to be civil in our discourse and respectful in our interactions. This is especially true when we disagree. The Savior taught us to love even our enemies. The vast majority of our members heed this counsel. Yet there are some who feel that venting their personal anger or deeply held opinions is more important than conducting themselves as Jesus Christ lived and taught. I invite each one of us individually to recognize that how we disagree is a real measure of who we are and whether we truly follow the Savior. It is appropriate to disagree, but it is not appropriate to be disagreeable. Violence and vandalism are not the answer to our disagreements. If we show love and respect even in adverse circumstances, we become more like Christ.


Quentin L. Cook, "We Follow Jesus Christ." General Conference, April 2010.

unbelievers want to argue

D&C 63:6 …let the wicked take heed, and let the rebellious fear and tremble; and let the unbelieving hold their lips, for the day of wrath shall come upon them as a whirlwind and all flesh shall know that I am God.

It is a general characteristic of unbelievers that they want to argue with others and tear up the foundations of the faith of others. Unbelief loves a discussion for the sake of the controversy itself, not as a means of the discovery of truth. The Lord warns quarrelsome unbelievers of the coming of His day, when the truth will be manifest.


Doctrine and Covenants Commentary by Hyrum M. Smith and Janne M. Sjodahl. Deseret Book. 1965. p.376