servant-leaders exercise the following traits

Servant-leaders exercise the following traits and practices in their roles. They:

• Understand the value of every human soul.
• Have an inborn or developed sense of caring for others.
• Are quick to volunteer to take pressure off someone else.
• Rush to the aid of someone who is going through an embarrassing or humiliating experience.
• Treat all people on a basis of equality.
• Do not feel that tasks they expect others to do are too demeaning for themselves.
• Are not offended by disruptions of people who are themselves going through emotional traumas or stress.
• Expect more from themselves than they do from anyone else.
• Are quick to compliment, give credit, and build up those who perform a given task.
• Judge people by their potential, not necessarily by one single negative experience.
• Do not take credit for someone else’s achievements and love to share credit for any of their own accomplishments.
• Get the facts before finding fault or criticizing another person.
• Help all people feel they had a real part in the success of a project.
• Detest practical jokes or statements that focus humiliation or attention on one soul.
• Always constructively criticize in private and compliment in public.
• Are absolutely honest in their work.
• Are equally fair with all under their direction.
• Are always willing to listen to both sides of a quarrel, discussion, or issue. They know it is a pretty thin pancake that has only one side. . . .
• Make themselves accessible to all, not just those with position or power.

True servant-leaders do not need a checklist of these character traits, for they live them daily. . . .

Vaughn J. Featherstone

The Incomparable Christ: Our Master and Model (1995)

As quoted in Principles of Leadership Teacher's Manual. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Salt Lake City. 2001

cultivating gratitude

The following expectations can be happiness killers:

• Life should be fair – It is not. Not at all. Bad things happen to good people all the time for no reason. Expecting you will never have to deal with hardship or difficulties and that you won’t cope when they come is denying the human experience.
• Everyone should like me – They won’t and don’t. Just as you don’t like everyone you know. Instead focus on earning the trust and respect of people you like.
• People should agree with me – Yours may not be the only right answer and being right is not always right. We tend to take others words and behaviour personally when often, it is about them not us. We expect them to think and act just like us and if they don’t, we feel hurt or angry.
• People understand what I am saying – Assumptions, like expectations, can be Happiness Killers. People won’t understand us just because we are talking. Genuinely listening to someone else with empathy creates understanding whilst projecting our own mental filters and world views onto others generates misunderstanding and hurt feelings.
• I must always do well – ‘If I do not attain these goals, if I fail to live up to my expectations, I am a miserable failure and deserve the worst’. This kind of thinking is the basis of self-denigration, self-hatred and compromised self-esteem. You are already enough and are intrinsically worthy irrespective of achievement.
• Things will make me happy – We are poor at predicting what will make us happy in the future. What makes you the happiest? This question from Buddha is difficult to answer. Winning lotto? Getting married? Buying a new car? This hedonic treadmill does not cause happiness as we adapt to our circumstances which become the new normal.
• I can change them – There is one person in this world you can truly change. Yourself and that takes a tremendous amount of effort. The only way that people change is through the desire and wherewithal to change themselves. We can’t and shouldn’t ‘fix’ others.

The antidote to expectations may be cultivating gratitude.

"Expectations – the real happiness killer". HumanPsychology. Accessed on Jan. 26, 2024

we celebrate our differences

Have you ever pondered on how the principle of respect for human dignity and equality is demonstrated through the simple way we dress in the house of the Lord? We all come to the temple united in one purpose and filled with the desire to be pure and holy in His holy presence. Dressed in white, all of us are received by the Lord Himself as His beloved children, men and women of God, progeny of Christ. We are privileged to perform the same ordinances, make the same covenants, commit ourselves to live higher and holier lives, and receive the same eternal promises. United in purpose, we see one another with new eyes, and in our oneness, we celebrate our differences as divine children of God.

Ulisses Soares

"Brothers and Sisters in Christ," General Conference October 2023

Respect can happen. It's within reach, it is possible. The Church might need a revelation to ordain women, but we could respect women more by listening to women's opinions, including  more women as speakers, quoting women, and including more women in more councils. 

Living on the Inside of the Edge by Christian Kimball. Common Consent Press. 2023. p. 208

minded their own business

“If everybody minded their own business,” said the Duchess in a hoarse growl, “the world would go round a deal faster than it does.”


“Which would not be an advantage,” said Alice…


Alice's Adventures in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll. Macmillan, 1897

heaven is at the feet of your mother

When she tried to explain it to friends and family, Kathy fumbled. But she knew that in Islam she had found calm. The doubt sewn into the faith gave her room to think, to question. The answers the Qur’an provided have her a way forward. Even her view of her family softened through the lens of Islam. She was less aggressive. She had always fought with her mother, but Islam taught her that “heaven is at the feet of your mother,” and this reined her in. She stopped talking back and learned to be more patient and forgiving. It brought back a purity in me, she would say.

Zeitoun by Dave Eggers. Random House, Inc. 2010.

a real measure of who we

As we listen to the messages of this conference, we will be touched in our hearts and make resolutions and commitments to do better. But on Monday morning we will return to work, school, neighborhoods, and to a world that in many cases is in turmoil. Many in this world are afraid and angry with one another. While we understand these feelings, we need to be civil in our discourse and respectful in our interactions. This is especially true when we disagree. The Savior taught us to love even our enemies. The vast majority of our members heed this counsel. Yet there are some who feel that venting their personal anger or deeply held opinions is more important than conducting themselves as Jesus Christ lived and taught. I invite each one of us individually to recognize that how we disagree is a real measure of who we are and whether we truly follow the Savior. It is appropriate to disagree, but it is not appropriate to be disagreeable. Violence and vandalism are not the answer to our disagreements. If we show love and respect even in adverse circumstances, we become more like Christ.


Quentin L. Cook, "We Follow Jesus Christ." General Conference, April 2010.

the language of peace and respect

In prayer, we are... given the possibility to learn the language of peace and respect, strengthening that seed of peace that God himself has sown in men's hearts, and which constitutes, beyond differences of race, culture and religion, the most profound longing of the human being... At the same time, in prayer we can find new spiritual strength so as not to be defeated by the difficulties and snares of evil, and not to fail in the necessary path of dialogue, which definitively removes misunderstandings and suspicions, and allows us to continue building, as brothers and members of the same human family, the path of harmonious coexistence.


Pope Benedict XVI,  a message sent on his behalf by his secretary of state, Cardinal Tarcisio Bertone, to the International Meeting of Prayer for Peace, under way through Tuesday in Barcelona, Spain (Oct. 4, 2010), as quoted in Catholic.net.

look to you faithful mothers

It is, unfortunately, all too easy to illustrate the confusion and distortion of womanhood in contemporary society. Immodest, immoral, intemperate women jam the airwaves, monopolize magazines, and slink across movie screens—all while being celebrated by the world. The Apostle Paul spoke prophetically of “perilous times” that will come in the last days and specifically referenced something that may have seemed particularly perilous to him: “silly women laden with sins, led away with divers lusts” (2 Timothy 3:1, 6). Popular culture today often makes women look silly, inconsequential, mindless, and powerless. It objectifies them and disrespects them and then suggests that they are able to leave their mark on mankind only by seduction—easily the most pervasively dangerous message the adversary sends to women about themselves.

And so, my dear young women, with all my heart I urge you not to look to contemporary culture for your role models and mentors. Please look to your faithful mothers for a pattern to follow. Model yourselves after them, not after celebrities whose standards are not the Lord’s standards and whose values may not reflect an eternal perspective. Look to your mother. Learn from her strengths, her courage, and her faithfulness. Listen to her. She may not be a whiz at texting; she may not even have a Facebook page. But when it comes to matters of the heart and the things of the Lord, she has a wealth of knowledge. As you approach the time for marriage and young motherhood, she will be your greatest source of wisdom. No other person on earth loves you in the same way or is willing to sacrifice as much to encourage you and help you find happiness—in this life and forever.


Elder M. Russell Ballard, "Mothers and Daughters." General Conference, April 2010

we are all children of the same Father

If [the] empire of superstition and hypocrisy should be overthrown happy indeed will it be for the world; but if all religion and all morality should be over-thrown with it, what advantage will be gained? The doctrine of human equality is founded entirely in the Christian doctrine that we are all children of the same Father, all accountable to Him for our conduct to one another, all equally bound to respect each other’s self love.


John Adams written note in the margin’s of Mary Wollstonecraft’s French Revolution, as quoted in John Adams by David McCullough. Simon and Schuster, 2001. p.619

I say unto you, be one

D&C 38: 24-27 And let every man esteem his brother as himself, and practice virtue and holiness before me. And again I say unto you, let every man esteem his brother as himself. For what man among you having twelve sons, and is no respecter of them, and they serve him obediently, and he saith unto the one: Be thou clothed in robes and sit thou here; and to the other: Be thou clothed in rags and sit thou there—and looketh upon his sons and saith I am just? Behold, this I have given unto you as a parable, and it is even as I am. I say unto you, be one; and if ye are not one ye are not mine.

slight to the sacred dead

In referring to those who went through the Hiroshima and Nagasaki bombings, the Japanese tended to shy away from the term “survivors,” because in its focus on being alive it might suggest some slight to the sacred dead. The class of people to which Nakamura-san belonged came, therefore, to be called by a more neutral name, “hibakusha” – literally, “explosion-affected persons.”


Hiroshima by John Hersey. Vintage Books. 1989. p.92

done with some sign of respect

Every action done in company ought to be done with some sign of respect to those that are present.


George Washington, from his hand-copied list of 110 precepts from The Rules of Civility and Decent Behaviour in Company and Conversation, based on rules of etiquette originally composed by Jesuit scholars in 1595. Quoted in Joseph J. Ellis, His Excellency: George Washington. Alfred A. Knopf. 2004. p.9

Honoring the priesthood fosters respect, respect promotes reverence, and reverence invites revelation.


Russell M. Nelson. "Honoring the Priesthood," Ensign May 1993 p.38 D&C 76:5

As to choosing between being a paratrooper spearheading the offensive and an ordinary infantryman who could not trust the guy next to him, they decided the greater risk was with the infantry. When the shooting started, they wanted to look up to the guy beside them, not down.


Stephen E. Ambrose - Band of Brothers: E Company, 506th Regiment, 101st Airborne - From Normandy to Hitler's Eagle's Nest, p.16

Walking down the street at Mourmelon, Major Winters saw Captain Sobel coming from the opposite direction. Sobel saw Winters, dropped his head, and walked past without saluting. When he had gone a further step or two, Winters called out, "Captain Sobel, we salute the rank, not the man."

"Yes, sir," Sobel answered as he snapped off a salute.


Stephen E. Ambrose - Band of Brothers: E Company, 506th Regiment, 101st Airborne - From Normandy to Hitler's Eagle's Nest, by Stephen E. Ambrose p.241

This is the way that ward councils ought to talk. I'd like to think that this is the way that husbands and wives would talk. We're respectful; we're interested; people have ideas; we're sharing. And in some of the cultures-this is a worldwide broadcast-this will run counter to tradition and history and the style of some people. But gospel culture always has to prevail. And if it hasn't been the local habit or the local tradition to listen to the sisters or to have the marvelous respect these sisters have shown to priesthood-all of this, we hope, will convey to the Church the need to hear each other, love each other, talk together, get the best ideas, pray for guidance, and have better families and a better Church as a result. That shouldn't be the least of the issues conveyed in our broadcast here tonight.


Elder Holland. Roundtable Discussion (Dallin H. Oaks, Jeffrey R. Holland, Julie B. Beck, Susan W. Tanner, Cheryl C. Lant) - Worldwide Leadership Training Meeting: Building Up a Righteous Posterity, February 9, 2008

At times we may become bored or irritated with home and family and familiar surroundings. Such may seem less than glamorous, with a sense of sameness, and other places may sometimes seem more exciting. But when we have sampled much and have wandered far and have seen how fleeting and sometimes superficial a lot of the world is, our gratitude grows for the privilege of being part of something we can count on—home and family and the loyalty of loved ones. We come to know what it means to be bound together by duty, by respect, by belonging. We learn that nothing can fully take the place of the blessed relationship of family life.


President Thomas S. Monson, "A Sanctuary from the World" - Worldwide Leadership Training Meeting: Building Up a Righteous Posterity February 9, 2008

One hundred and fifty years ago our people were leaving Nauvoo and threading their way across the prairies of Iowa. None of us, I am confident, can appreciate the measure of sacrifice which they made in leaving their comfortable homes to brave the tempests of the wilderness on a journey that would not end until they reached this valley of the Great Salt Lake. Their suffering was immeasurable. They died by the hundreds for this cause of which each one of us is a part.

I was in Palmyra this past summer and in Nauvoo, and in Council Bluffs, Iowa, which they had called Kanesville out of respect and love for a loyal friend. I stood where the Grand Encampment assembled when they reached the Missouri River. I have been over the trail from the Missouri to this valley a number of times. For me it is always a sacred experience. I am so deeply grateful for our inheritance. . . .

Ours is the blessing to live in a better season. The terrible persecutions of the past are behind us. Today we are looked upon with respect by people across the world. We must always be worthy of that respect. We must earn it, or we will not have
it.


Gordon B. Hinckley, "Listen by the Power of the Spirit," Ensign, Nov. 1996, 4