unfortunate that this has happened

-It’s unfortunate that this has happened.

No. It’s fortunate that this has happened and I’ve remained unharmed by it – not shattered by the present or frightened of the future. It could have happened to anyone. But not everyone could have remained unharmed by it. Why treat the one as a misfortune rather than the other as fortunate? Can you really call something a misfortune that doesn’t violate human nature? Or do you think something that’s not against nature’s will can violate it? But you know what its will is. Does what’s happened keep you from acting with justice, generosity, self-control, sanity, prudence, honesty, humility, straightforwardness, and all the other qualities that allow a person’s nature to fulfill itself?

So remember this principle when something threatens to cause you pain: the thing itself was no misfortune at all; to endure it and prevail is great good fortune.

Marcus Aurelius

Meditations by Marcus Aurelius. Modern Library. 2003. P.48, Book 4, #49. Also see The Internet Classics Archive | The Meditations by Marcus Aurelius (mit.edu)

gathers them into wholeness

It is occasionally said that man is naturally self-interested. But most men do not pursue their own interest. Instead they follow illusions, momentary desires, mutually conflicting wants. They are directed by whim rather than purpose and seek pleasure tather than perfection. The paradox is that man never gains control over his own mind and will until he surrenders them to something higher than himself. The beginning of true self-interest is self-forgetfulness, and the source of real freedom is humility before another. Only the disciple can learn discipline. Jesus has many admirers but few disciples. And yet the Father sent his Son to call all men to follow him. Christ’s life alone can give to man the higher pattern that he needs. Reaching all the scattered aspects of man’s being, Christ gathers them into wholeness.

The Lord’s Question: Thoughts on the Life of Response by Dennis Rasmussen. Brigham Young University Press. April 1985. Chapter Two, “Do Not I Fill Heaven and Earth?” p.21

anger agreements in marriage

1. Acknowledge the reality of your anger, remembering that anger itself is not sinful.

2. Agree to acknowledge anger to each other. Do not make your mate “guess” about how you’re feeling.

3. Agree that verbal or physical explosions against the other person are not appropriate reactions to anger – they will always make things worse.

4. Agree to seek an explanation before jumping to conclusions. The person may supply valuable missing information that could change your understanding of the issue.

5. Agree to seek resolution and reconciliation. With more information from your spouse and the fuller perspective, you are ready to find a solution satisfactory to both of you.

6. Agree to affirm your love for each other. After the resolution is resolved, verbally declare your love for each other.



Anger: Handling a Powerful Emotion in a Healthy Way by Gary D. Chapman, 2007.

a more indomitable and unyielding temper

Many men will say they have a violent temper, and try to excuse themselves for actions of which they are ashamed. I will say, there is not a man in this house who has a more indomitable and unyielding temper than myself. But there is not a man in the world who cannot overcome his passion, if he will struggle earnestly to do so. If you find passion coming on you, go off to some place where you cannot be heard; let none of your family see you or hear you, while it is upon you, but struggle till it leaves you; and pray for strength to overcome. As I have said many times to the Elders, pray in your families; and if, when the time for prayer comes, you have not the spirit of prayer upon you, and your knees are unwilling to bow, say to them, “Knees, get down there”; make them bend, and remain there until you obtain the Spirit of the Lord. If the spirit yields to the body, it becomes corrupt; but if the body yields to the spirit it becomes pure and holy (DBY, 267).

Teachings of Presidents of the Church: Brigham Young, 28: Exercising Self-Control, 203

school thy feelings, o my brother

This story is told concerning Charles W. Penrose. He was a convert to the Church and served as a missionary in England for some 11 years. When he was released, he sold some of his belongings to pay for his trip to Zion. Some of the Saints observing him said that he was taking Church property.

This angered him so, that he went upstairs in his residence, sat down, and wrote these verses, which are familiar to you. (See Karen Lynn Davidson, Our Latter-day Hymns: The Stories and the Messages [1988], 323.)

School thy feelings, O my brother;
Train thy warm, impulsive soul.
Do not its emotions smother,
But let wisdom’s voice control.
School thy feelings; there is power
In the cool, collected mind.
Passion shatters reason’s tower,
Makes the clearest vision blind. …

School thy feelings; condemnation
Never pass on friend or foe,
Though the tide of accusation
Like a flood of truth may flow.
Hear defense before deciding,
And a ray of light may gleam,
Showing thee what filth is hiding
Underneath the shallow stream.

School thy feelings, O my brother;
Train thy warm, impulsive soul.
Do not its emotions smother,
But let wisdom’s voice control.

"Slow to Anger" by Gordon B. Hinckley. General Conference October 2007.

handling "bad" anger

1. Share information. Tell the other person about your concern and ask to talk about it. Be sure to focus on the situation that sparked your emotion, rather than on the person.

2. Gather information. What are the facts?

3. Negotiate understanding. Express your struggles; then listen to the other person’s response. Be honest.

4. Request change. As long as you neither demand nor manipulate for a change, this can have a positive outcome.



Anger: Handling a Powerful Emotion in a Healthy Way by Gary D. Chapman, 2007.

how to handle your anger

1. Consciously acknowledge to yourself that you are angry. Say it out loud: “I’m angry about this! Now what am I going to do?” Such a statement makes you aware of your own anger and also helps you recognize both your anger and the action you are going to take. You have set the stage for applying reason to your anger.

2. Restrain your immediate response. Avoid the common but destructive responses of verbal or physical venting or their opposite, withdrawal and silence. Refuse to take the action that you typically take when feeling angry. Waiting can help you avoid both saying and doing things you may not mean and later will regret.

3. Locate the focus of your anger. What words or actions by the other person have made you angry? If the person has truly wronged you, identify the person’s sin. How has she wronged you? Then determine how serious the offense is. Some wrongs are minor and some are major. Knowing its seriousness should affect your response.

4. Analyze your options. Ask yourself: Does the action I am considering have any potential for dealing with the wrong and helping the relationship? And is it best for the person at whom I am angry? The two most constructive options are either to confront the person in a helpful way, or to consciously decide to overlook the matter.

5. Take constructive action. If you choose to “let the offense go,” then, in prayer, confess your anger and your willingness to turn the person over to God. Then release your anger to Him. If you choose to confront the person who has wronged you, do so gently. Listen to any explanation; it can give you a different perspective on the person’s actions and intentions. If the person admits that what he or she did was wrong and asks you to forgive, do so.


Anger: Handling a Powerful Emotion in a Healthy Way by Gary D. Chapman, 2007.

restrain your immediate response

…Restrain your immediate response [to anger]…. Restraining our response is not the same as storing our anger. It is refusing to take the action that we typically take when feeling angry…. Did your mother give you this commonsense advice, “When you are angry, count to ten before you do or say anything”. It is good advice, but many of us may need to count to 100 or even 1,000. This long delay may quell the fire within. Many have found this to be a workable technique in helping them restrain their response.



Anger: Handling a Powerful Emotion in a Healthy Way by Gary D. Chapman, 2007.

mismanage one's anger

To have the same response to minor issues as one does for major issues is to mismanage one’s anger.


Anger: Handling a Powerful Emotion in a Healthy Way by Gary D. Chapman, 2007.

enough is as good as a feast

You know what they say, "Enough is as good as a feast."


True Grit by Charles Portis, 1969.

hollow at the core

Mr. Kurtz lacked restraint in the gratification of his various lusts [...] there was something wanting in him--some small matter which, when the pressing need arose, could not be found under his magnificent eloquence. Whether he knew of this deficiency himself I can't say. I think the knowledge came to him at last--only at the very last. But the wilderness found him out early, and had taken vengeance for the fantastic invasion. I think it had whispered to him things about himself which he did not know, things of which he had no conception till he took counsel with this great solitude--and the whisper had proved irresistibly fascinating. It echoed loudly within him because he was hollow at the core...



Joseph Conrad, Heart of Darkness. 1899. Blackwood's Magazine. Part 3, pg. 51

the world needs self-discipline

The world needs self-discipline. It can be found in fasting and prayer. Our generation is sick for lack of self-control. Fasting and prayer help to instill this virtue.



Robert L. Simpson, “Fasting and Prayers,” Prayer. Deseret Book Company, Salt Lake City, UT. 1978. P.103-4

an unreserved surrender

I have no doubt that there is a key to lock out undesirable thoughts, but everyone has to find it out for himself. Saints and seers have left their experiences for us, but they have given us no infallible and universal prescription. For Perfection or freedom from error comes only from grace, and so seekers after God have left us mantras, such as Ramanama, hallowed by their own austerities and charged with their purity. Without an unreserved surrender to His grace, complete mastery over thought is impossible. This is the teaching of every great book of religion…


An autobiography: My Experiments with Truth by Gandhi (Mahatma), Mahadev Haribhai Desai. Beacon Press. 1993. p.317

all ambitions were inherently insatiable and unconquerable

[George Washington’s] trademark decision to surrender power as commander in chief and then president, was not, as Morris insisted, a sign that he had conquered his ambitions, but rather that he fully realized that all ambitions were inherently insatiable and unconquerable. He knew himself well enough to resist the illusion that he transcended his human nature. Unlike Julius Caesar and Oliver Cromwell before him, and Napoleon, Lenin, and Mao after him, he understood that the greater glory resided in posterity’s judgment. If you aspire to live forever in the memory of future generations, you must demonstrate the ultimate self-confidence to leave the final judgment to them. And he did.


Joseph J. Ellis, His Excellency: George Washington. Alfred A. Knopf. 2004. p.274, 275

fornication justified the death penalty

If adultery or fornication justified the death penalty in the old days, and still in Christ's day, is the sin any less today because the laws of the land do not assess the death penalty for it? Is the act less grievous? There must be a washing, a purging, a changing of attitudes, a correcting of appraisals, a strengthening toward self-mastery. And these cleansing processes cannot be accomplished as easily as taking a bath or shampooing the hair, or sending a suit of clothes to the cleaners. There must be many prayers, and volumes of tears. There must be more than a verbal acknowledgment. There must be an inner conviction giving to the sin its full diabolical weight. "My sins are disgusting—loathsome" one could come to think about his baser sins, like the Psalmist who used these words: "My wounds stink and are corrupt because of my foolishness." (Ps. 38:5.)

There must be increased devotion and much thought and study. There must be a re-awakening, a fortification, a re-birth. And this takes energy and time and often is accompanied with sore embarrassment, heavy deprivations and deep trials, even if indeed one is not excommunicated from the Church, losing all spiritual blessings.


Spencer W. Kimball, The Miracle of Forgiveness by Spencer W. Kimball. 1969. p. 155

meekness

Meekness is neither alarmist nor shoulder-shrugging unconcern. It involves shoulder-squaring self-discipline, and what follows is the special composure that meekness brings.


Neal A. Maxwell, Meek and Lowly, p.15

When I saw that black-eyed woman a-looking at me I wished I had a Bible.


Louis L'Amour. Mojave Crossing by Louis L'Amour. 1964. P.1

No man is free who is not master of himself... Is freedom anything else than the power of living as we choose?

Epictetus (50-138, Phrygian Philosopher)

Meekness is vital to becoming more Christlike. Without it one cannot develop other important virtues. . . . Acquiring meekness is a process. . . More meekness does not translate to weakness, but 'it is the presentation of self in a posture of kindness and gentleness. It reflects certitude, strength, serenity; it reflects a healthy self-esteem and a genuine self-control' (Neal A. Maxwell, "Meekly Drenched in Destiny," in Brigham Young University 1982-83 Fireside and Devotional Speeches [1983], 2). More meekness will allow us to be tutored by the Spirit.


H. David Burton, "More Holiness Give Me," Ensign, Nov. 2004, 99

All of the significant battles are waged within the self.


Sheldon Kopp (1929-, American psychologist)