what do you call it, freedom or loneliness?

Making love with a woman and sleeping with a woman are two separate passions, not merely different but opposite. Love does not make itself felt in the desire for copulation (a desire that extends to an infinite number of women) but in the desire for shared sleep (a desire limited to one woman).

Loneliness is the awareness of being incomplete because you lack the other who is supposed to make you whole. The desire for the other is always desire for wholeness. Love is the encounter of two wholes. If it is a lie that attracts us to another person, it is because we do not yet recognize that the other is a lie. The fantasy lover is always perfect. The real person is imperfect, and their imperfections, if we allow them to, interfere with our dreams. But this is not a tragedy, it is merely a cruel reminder of what we are. The heavy eyelids of despair prevent us from seeing clearly: the distinction between a dream and a lie. A dream is a fantasy, a lie is an intention. Perfection stinks of intention. Perfection is unattainable, which means it is a lie. But it is a lie that makes us slaves. It makes us dependent on the person who embodies the lie. It makes us weak.

And when nobody wakes you up in the morning, and when nobody waits for you at night, and when you can do whatever you want. What do you call it, freedom or loneliness? But it is not so simple. Once you are free, you struggle to keep from becoming a slave again. And the weight of slavery is heavier than the weight of freedom. To be free means to be responsible, without excuses and without help from others. It is to walk naked and vulnerable, without the protective cloaks of pride or power. It is to stand in the wind and embrace the sun, without the protection of your shadow. To be free is to accept the responsibility of your own destiny, and with it the realization that you can never be perfect, only whole.

Milan Kundera

The Unbearable Lightness of Being (1984), Part Three, Chapter One

repentance is the key to avoiding misery

Repentance is the key to avoiding misery inflicted by traps of the adversary. The Lord does not expect perfection from us at this point in our eternal progression. But He does expect us to become increasingly pure. Daily repentance is the pathway to purity, and purity brings power. Personal purity can make us powerful tools in the hands of God. Our repentance—our purity—will empower us to help in the gathering of Israel.

President Russell M. Nelson

"We Can Do Better and Be Better" General Conference April 2019

a mind capable of instruction

We consider that God has created man with a mind capable of instruction, and a faculty which may be enlarged in proportion to the heed and diligence given to the light communicated from heaven to the intellect; and that the nearer man approaches perfection, the clearer are his views, and the greater his enjoyments, till he has overcome the evils of his life and lost every desire for sin; and like the ancients, arrives at that point of faith where he is wrapped in the power and glory of his Maker, and is caught up to dwell with Him. But we consider that this is a station to which no man ever arrived in a moment: he must have been instructed in the government and laws of that kingdom by proper degrees, until his mind is capable in some measure of comprehending the propriety, justice, equality and consistency of the same.

Joseph Smith

Teachings of the Prophet Joseph Smith, P.51, as quoted in Not My Will, but Thine by Neal A. Maxwell. 2008. Deseret Book. p. 88

bumpy and uneven

We need also to be careful about being too quick to complain about institutional and individual imperfections in the Church. For instance, before we complain about someone else's insensitivity or errant authoritarianism, we need to examine meekly our own leadership style. It would be well to accept that in a church which oversees some of the processes of repentance, inevitably this perfect and emancipating doctrine is sometimes imperfectly administered. 

Life in the Church means experiencing leaders who are not always wise, mature, and deft. In fact, some of us are as bumpy and uneven as a sackful of old doorknobs. Some of the polishing we experience is a result of grinding against each other. How vital submissiveness is in such circumstances, especially if the lubrication of love is not amply present. 

In a church established, among other reasons, for the perfecting of the Saints - an ongoing process - it is naive to expect, and certainly unfair to demand, perfection in our peers. A brief self-inventory is wise before we "cast the first stone." Possessing a few rocks in our own heads, it is especially dangerous to have rocks too ready in our hands.

Neal A. Maxwell

Not My Will, but Thine by Neal A. Maxwell. 2008. Deseret Book. p. 79, 80

gathers them into wholeness

It is occasionally said that man is naturally self-interested. But most men do not pursue their own interest. Instead they follow illusions, momentary desires, mutually conflicting wants. They are directed by whim rather than purpose and seek pleasure tather than perfection. The paradox is that man never gains control over his own mind and will until he surrenders them to something higher than himself. The beginning of true self-interest is self-forgetfulness, and the source of real freedom is humility before another. Only the disciple can learn discipline. Jesus has many admirers but few disciples. And yet the Father sent his Son to call all men to follow him. Christ’s life alone can give to man the higher pattern that he needs. Reaching all the scattered aspects of man’s being, Christ gathers them into wholeness.

The Lord’s Question: Thoughts on the Life of Response by Dennis Rasmussen. Brigham Young University Press. April 1985. Chapter Two, “Do Not I Fill Heaven and Earth?” p.21

unto what were ye ordained?

“Wherefore, I the Lord ask you this question – unto what were ye ordained?” (Doctrine and Covenants 50:13.) All man’s beginnings and endings occur within the circle of these words. Man was ordained to disclose the Divine; his work is to become like God. Thr trials of life are the way of perfection.

The Lord’s Question: Thoughts on the Life of Response by Dennis Rasmussen. Brigham Young University Press. April 1985. Chapter One, “Where Art Thou?” p.6

let us be patient

As the Lord is patient with us, let us be patient with those we serve. Understand that they, like us, are imperfect. They, like us, make mistakes. They, like us, want others to give them the benefit of the doubt.

Never give up on anyone. And that includes not giving up on yourself.


Dieter F. Uchtdorf, "Continue in Patience", Ensign, May 2010, 56–59

best men are moulded out of faults

Isabel,
Sweet Isabel, do yet but kneel by me;
Hold up your hands, say nothing; I'll speak all.
They say, best men are moulded out of faults;
And, for the most, become much more the better
For being a little bad: so may my husband.
O Isabel, will you not lend a knee?


Mariana to Isabel in Measure for Measure by William Shakespeare. Act 5, Sc. 1

to be perfect in this life

I dislike the word perfect because it is often misused. I frequently wince when I hear it in talks or lessons, because more often than not it is used with its philosophical meaning of "unimprovable," and this is almost never its scriptural meaning. Latter-day Saints believe in eternal progress. No one can ever be "unimprovable" in the ultimate sense. Rather, to be perfect in this life is to enter into the covenant of the gospel and receive perfection-in-Christ.


Stephen E. Robinson, Believing Christ, 1992, p. 98. See also Matthew 5:38

hunger and thirst after righteousness

"Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst after righteousness: for they shall be filled." We regularly misinterpret this scripture to mean something like "Blessed are the righteous." But that is not what it means at all. When are we hungry? When do we thirst? After Thanksgiving dinner with all the trimmings? No, we are hungry when we haven't eaten; we are thirsty when we haven't drunk, when we don't have the object of our desire.


Stephen E. Robinson, Stephen E. Robinson, Believing Christ, 1992, p.20,21. See also Matthew 5:6