surround yourself with people who believe

I share the experience of a wise stake president here on this campus. He was approached by a young man in his stake who admired him and asked him to mentor him in business.

After a few weeks, the young man confided, “I should share with you that I have decided to step away from the Church. I no longer believe.”

The surprised stake president immediately began to share his profound testimony of the gospel that had brought him so much joy, peace, and inspiration.

The young man sat stunned, staring back at the stake president with tears in his eyes. He said, “I have not heard anyone speak like that in months. I have been hanging out with friends who don’t believe.”

I say to all of you, as that wise stake president said to this young man, seek friends and associates who are striving to follow the Lord—friends and associates with whom you can feel the Spirit and with whom you can reinforce your faith.

Surround yourself with people who believe.

President Dallin H. Oaks

"Coming Closer to Jesus Christ," BYU Speeches. February 10, 2026. See also Russell M. Nelson, “Revelation for the Church, Revelation for Our Lives,” Ensign, May 2018.

ain’t no surer way

I have found out there ain’t no surer way to find out whether you like people or hate them than to travel with them.

Twain, M. (1869, August 1). Letter to Charles Dudley Warner. In Mark Twain’s Letters. As found in Dinets, V. (2013). Dragon Songs: Love and adventure among crocodiles, alligators, and other dinosaur relations. Arcade Publishing. p.151

be an ally

An ally is someone who has your back, not just on the good days, but on the tough days too. They are the people who cheer you on when things are going well, and provide the tough-love and candid feedback when needed. Your success is dependent on those who work with and for you, and if you want to create a culture of candor and debate, collaboration and teamwork then the time to take action is now.

Morag Barrett

6 steps to great leadership. CIO. 8/10/2015

stand with holy people

I will never forget participating in a devotional held in a popular sports arena. Usually, this arena was filled with raucous fans cheering their home team and perhaps even jeering their opponent. But on this night, the atmosphere was quite different. The arena was filled with thousands of young people assembled to honor and commemorate the life of the Prophet Joseph Smith. Their reverent, quiet tone; gratitude; and prayerful hearts filled the arena with the presence of the Holy Spirit. I could literally see it in their faces. It was the gift of the Holy Ghost in action, affirming the testimonies being borne of Joseph Smith and the Restoration of the gospel.

The Spirit cannot be restrained from attending a gathering of holy people. If you hope to feel the Spirit, be with people with whom the Spirit can easily dwell. The Savior said it this way: “For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them.” For young people, consider your gatherings of holy people: quorums and classes, FSY and seminary, ward and stake activities—even ward choirs. Choose to be with people and go to places where righteousness is found. Find your strength in numbers. Find good friends. Be good friends. Support one another wherever you are. Stand with holy people.

Gary E. Stevenson

"Promptings of the Spirit," General Conference October 2023

a few more ward activities

For some time I have felt that, in many places in the Church, a few more ward activities, of course planned and implemented with gospel purpose, could knit us together with even greater belonging and unity.

One inspired ward activities chair and committee nurtures individuals and a community of Saints. Their well-planned activities help everybody feel valued, included, and invited to play a needed role. Such activities bridge ages and backgrounds, create lasting memories, and can be carried out with little or no cost. Enjoyable gospel activities also invite neighbors and friends.

Gerrit W. Gong

"Love Is Spoken Here" General Conference October 2023

our only valid spiritual competition

When we are struggling to learn to love, we can have faith in God's developmental plans for others as well as for ourselves. Then we do not feel threatened by those who are our superiors or who are becoming such. The more unselfish we are, the more able we are to find joy in their successes, all the while rejoicing without comparing. In any case, our only valid spiritual competition is with our old selves, not with each other. True love and friendship enable us to keep that perspective. The things about other people that truly matter are their qualities such as love, mercy, justice, and patience, and their service to others. The things that matter much less - style, appearance, and mannerisms - become comparatively unimportant. Finally, our capacity to be meek and lowly enough to love without requiring reciprocity is enhanced by our coming to know how much we are loved by Jesus, even when we do not return His love as we might.

Neal A. Maxwell

Not My Will, but Thine by Neal A. Maxwell. 2008. Deseret Book. p. 76

a dog when the hunt is over

Some people, when they do someone a favor, are always looking for a chance to call it in. And some aren’t, but they’re still aware of it – still regard it as a debt. But others don’t even do that. They’re like a vine that produces grapes without looking for anything in return. 

A horse at the end of the race…

A dog when the hunt is over…

A bee with its honey stored…

And a human being after helping others.

They don’t make a fuss about it. They just go on to something else, as the vine looks forward to bearing fruit again in season. 

We should be like that. Acting almost unconsciously.

Marcus Aurelius

Meditations by Marcus Aurelius. Modern Library. 2003. P.55, Book 5, #6. Also see The Internet Classics Archive | The Meditations by Marcus Aurelius (mit.edu)

invest in relationships with other people

Ari Shapiro of NPR: ...If people could change one thing in their lives to be happier, what should they choose, according to the data?

Dr. Robert Waldinger, one of the authors of The Good Life: Lessons from the world's longest scientific study of happiness: They should invest in their relationships with other people. We found that the strongest predictors of who not just stayed happy but who was healthy as they went through life - the strongest predictors were the warmth and the quality of their relationships with other people.

SHAPIRO: Does it matter whether we're talking about friends, spouses, coworkers, other kinds of relationships?

WALDINGER: It doesn't matter. We get benefits from all of those kinds of relationships, including the person who makes our coffee for us in the morning, including the person who delivers our mail. We get little hits of well-being in all these different kinds of relationships.

Author Interview: What's the #1 thing to change to be happier? A top happiness researcher weighs in. Ari Shapiro and Robert Waldinger. NPR. January 10, 2023.

the power of redemptive love

[Abraham] Lincoln tried love and left for all history a magnificent drama of reconciliation. When he was campaigning for the presidency one of his arch-enemies was a man named Stanton. For some reason Stanton hated Lincoln. He used every ounce of his energy to degrade him in the eyes of the public. So deep rooted was Stanton's hate for Lincoln that he uttered unkind words about his physical appearance and sought to embarrass him at every point with the bitterest diatribes. But in spite of this Lincoln was elected President of the United States. Then came the period when he had to select his cabinet, which would consist of the persons who would be his most intimate associates in implementing his program. He started choosing men here and there for the various  secretaryships. The day finally came for Lincoln to select a man to fill the all-important post of the Secretary of War. Can you imagine whom Lincoln chose to fill this post? None other than the man named Stanton. There was an immediate uproar in the inner circle when the news began to spread. Adviser after adviser was heard saying, "Mr. President, you are making a mistake. Do you know this man Stanton? Are you familiar with all of the ugly things he said about you? He is your enemy. He will seek to sabotage your program. Have you thought this through, Mr. President?" Mr. Lincoln's answer was terse and to the point: "Yes, I know Mr. Stanton. I am aware of all the terrible things he has said about me. But after looking over the nation, I find he is the best man for the job." So Stanton became Abraham Lincoln's Secretary of War and rendered an invaluable service to his nation and his President. Not many years later Lincoln was assassinated. Many laudable things were said about him. Even today millions of people still adore him as the greatest of all Americans. H.H. Wells selected him as on of the six great men of history. But of all the great statements made about Abraham Lincoln, the words of Stanton remain among the greatest. Standing near the dead body of the man he once hated, Stanton referred to him as on of the greatest men that ever lived and said "he now belongs to the ages." If Lincoln had hated Stanton both men would have gone to their graves as bitter enemies. But through the power of love Lincoln transformed an enemy into a friend. It was this same attitude that made it possible for Lincoln to speak a kind word about the South during the Civil War when feeling was most bitter. Asked by a shocked bystander how he could do this, Lincoln said, "Madam, do I not destroy my enemies when I make them my friends?" This is the power of redemptive love.

Martin Luther King, Jr.

Strength to Love by Martin Luther King, Jr. Harper & Row. 1963. Fortress Press Gift Edition 2010. p. 48, 49

he depersonalizes life

The hardhearted person never truly love. He engages in a crass utilitarianism that values other people mainly according to their usefulness to him. He never experiences the beauty of friendship, because he is too cold to feel affection for another and is too self-centered to share another's joy and sorrow. He is an isolated island. No outpouring of love links him with the mainland of humanity. 

The hardhearted person lacks the capacity for genuine compassion. He is unmoved by the pains and afflictions of his brothers. He passes unfortunate men every day, but he never really sees them. He gives dollars to a worthwhile charity, but he gives not of his spirit.

The hardhearted individual neve sees people as people, but rather as mere objects or as impersonal cogs in an ever-turning wheel. In the vast wheel of industry, he sees men as hands. In the massive wheel of big city life, he sees men as digits in a multitude. In the deadly wheel of army life, he sees men as numbers in a regiment. He depersonalizes life.  

Martin Luther King, Jr.

Strength to Love by Martin Luther King, Jr. Harper & Row. 1963. Fortress Press Gift Edition 2010. p. 6

an absence of real Christian fellowship

We pant for a bonded spirit with others, for shared hearts, for togetherness. Often our idolatrous pursuits through sexual immorality, overindulgence in alcohol, or social media platform-building are all simply misplaced longings for human fellowship. If we traced those heart-eroding pursuits down to their source, we would find, among other things, simply an absence of real Christian fellowship.  

Dane C. Ortlund

Deeper: Real Change for Real Sinners by Dane C. Ortlund. Crossway. 2021. p.119

bred of earth

We were bred of earth before we were born of our mothers. Once born, we can live without mother or father, or any other kin, or any friend, or any human love. We cannot live without the earth or apart from it, and something is shriveled in a man's heart when he turns away from it and concerns himself only with the affairs of men.

Majorie Kinnan Rawlings

Cross Creek. 1942. Mockingbird Books Inc. p.2

Jesus: The Perfect Leader - Fixed principles

Jesus knew who he was and why he was here on this planet. That meant he could lead from strength rather than from uncertainty or weakness. 

Jesus operated from a base of fixed principles or truths rather than making up the rules as he went along. Thus, his leadership style was not only correct, but also constant. So many secular leaders today are like chameleons; they change their hues and views to fit the situation—which only tends to confuse associates and followers who cannot be certain what course is being pursued. Those who cling to power at the expense of principle often end up doing almost anything to perpetuate their power.

Jesus said several times, “Come, follow me.” His was a program of “do what I do,” rather than “do what I say.” His innate brilliance would have permitted him to put on a dazzling display, but that would have left his followers far behind. He walked and worked with those he was to serve. His was not a long-distance leadership. He was not afraid of close friendships; he was not afraid that proximity to him would disappoint his followers. The leaven of true leadership cannot lift others unless we are with and serve those to be led.

Jesus kept himself virtuous, and thus, when his closeness to the people permitted them to touch the hem of his garment, virtue could flow from him. (See Mark 5:24–34.)

Jesus: The Perfect Leader By President Spencer W. Kimball. From an address delivered to the Young Presidents organization, Sun Valley, Idaho, 15 January 1977. Ensign. August 1979.

to pray for others

One of the most powerful experiences in a life of compassion is the expansion of our hearts into a world-embracing space of healing from which no one is excluded. When, through discipline, we have overcome the power of our impatient impulses to flee or to fight, to become fearful or angry, we discover a limitless space into which we can welcome all the people of the world. Prayer for others, therefore, cannot be seen as an extraordinary exercise that must be practiced from time to time. Rather, it is the very beat of a compassionate heart. To pray for a friend who is ill, for a student who is depressed, for a teacher who is in conflict; for people in prisons, in hospitals, on battlefields; for those who are victims of injustice, who are hungry, poor, and without shelter; for those who risk their career, their health, and even their life in the struggle for social justice for leaders of church and state – to pray for all these people is not a futile effort to influence God’s will, but a hospitable gesture by which we invite our neighbors into the center of our hearts.

To pray for others means to make them part of ourselves. To pray for others means to allow their pains and sufferings, their anxieties and loneliness, their confusion and fears to resound in our innermost selves. To pray, therefore, is to become those for whom we pray, to become the sick child, the fearful mother, the distressed father, the nervous teenager, the angry student, and the frustrated striker. To pray is to enter into a deep inner solidarity with our fellow human beings so that in and through us they can be touched by the healing power of God’s Spirit. When, as disciples of Christ, we are able to bear the burdens of our brothers and sisters, to be marked with their wounds, and even be broken by their sins, our prayer becomes their prayer, our cry for mercy becomes their cry. In compassionate prayer, we bring before God those who suffer not merely “over there,” not simply “long ago,” but here and now in our innermost selves. And so it is in and through us that others are restored; it is in and through us that they receive new light, new hope, and new courage; it is in and through us that the Spirit touches them with God’s healing presence.



Henri J.M. Nouwen, The Only Necessary Thing: Living A Prayerful Life, Compiled & Edited by Wendy Wilson Greer. 1999. p. 144, 145. Originally quoted in Compassion. 1982.

friendship was the only comfort a man had

A friend came over from one of the rifle platoons that was to be in the next day’s assault. We sat near the gun pit on our helmets in the mud and had a long talk. I lit my pipe and he a cigarette. Things were quiet in the area, so we were undisturbed for some time. He poured out his heart. He had come to me because of our friendship and because I was a veteran. He told me he was terribly afraid about the impending attack. I said everybody was. But I knew he would be in a more vulnerable position than some of us, because his platoon was in the assault. I did my best to cheer him up.

He was so appalled and depressed by the fighting of the previous day that he had concluded he couldn’t possibly survive the next day. He confided his innermost thoughts and secrets about his parents and a girl back home whom he was going to marry after the war. The poor guy wasn’t just afraid of death or injury – the idea that he might never return to those he loved so much had him in a state of near desperation.

I remembered how Lt. Hillbilly Jones had comforted and helped me through the first shock of Peleliu, and I tried to do the same for my friend. Finally he seemed somewhat relieved, or resigned to his fate, whatever it might be. We got up and shook hands. He thanked me for our friendship, then walked slowly back to his foxhole.

There was nothing unique in the conversation. Thousands like it occurred every day among infantrymen scheduled to enter the chaos and inferno of an attack. But it illustrates the value of camaraderie among men facing constant hardship and frequent danger. Friendship was the only comfort a man had.



With the Old Breed: At Peleliu and Okinawa by E.B. Sledge. Presidio Press. 1981. p.217, 218

a good, gentle horse

In justice to my Indian friends, and one in particular, I will relate one incident. Just before leaving, an Indian, Toquana, came to me and asked me if I did not want a horse. I told him that I had finished trading and had nothing to buy a horse with, and that I did not particularly need one as we would run the sled out on wheels until we struck snow, then we could haul it very well.

His reply was, "I do not want to sell you a horse. You are a friend, and are doing hard work for our good. I want you to live and keep strong; I do not want you to wear out. I know your legs are good, and I want you to keep them good to go over the deep snow where a horse cannot go. I have got a good, gentle horse that knows how to work; he is strong, can go through snow up to his breast. You take him, let him pull your sled just as long as he possibly can, then maybe you can find some place on the hill side where the snow is not deep; turn him out and if he lives I will get him, and it will be all right; if he dies, he will die mine, and I will know he died to help my friend, and that will be all right. I do not want anything at all, no presents or anything. I want to do this because I feel like doing it."

I took his horse, work him about eighty miles and then turned him on good grass where there was but little snow.



Forty Years Among the Indians: A True Yet Thrilling Narrative of the Author's Experiences Among the Natives. By Daniel W. Jones. Juvenile Instructor, Salt Lake City, UT. 1890. CHAPTER XXIX.

turn their lives over to God

Men and women who turn their lives over to God will discover that He can make a lot more out of their lives than they can. He will deepen their joys, expand their vision, quicken their minds, strengthen their muscles, lift their spirits, multiply their blessings, increase their opportunities, comfort their souls, raise up friends, and pour out peace.


Ezra Taft Benson, Teachings of Ezra Taft Benson p.361 as found in Ensign May 1993 p.89 James 4:7

the holy passion of friendship

The holy passion of friendship is of so sweet and steady and loyal and enduring a nature that it will last through a whole lifetime, if not asked to lend money.


Mark Twain, Pudd'nhead Wilson, ch. 8, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar" (1894).

Tell me thy company, and I'll tell thee what thou art.


Miguel de Cervantes - (1547-1616), Spanish writer. Don Quixote, pt. 2, bk. 3, ch. 23 (1615; tr. by P. Motteux and J. Ozell).

Best friend, my well-spring in the wilderness!


George Eliot - (1819-80), English novelist. The Spanish Gypsy, bk. 3 (1868).